Enjoying the Season

I’ve been slacking off with my blogging again and I’m going to at least partially blame it on the beautiful weather we’ve still been enjoying, at least considering that we’re halfway through November. Maybe my memory is just so terrible that I forget the weather from year to year, but this year seems warmer than usual for this time. And I’ll take it!

This lengthened stretch of favorable weather has added more adventure time to our calendar. We were able to squeeze in a nice fall mountain hike in hotter temps than we anticipated, took an extra post-Labor Day camping trip, and even managed to make a second trip to Acadia National Park for the year, thanks to an old friend’s wedding.

A few weeks ago we took an entire day to just drive around and check out the foliage and scenery. We stopped at a few sites we hadn’t been to before and took time to stop and take pictures along the way whenever we thought we found a good spot for it. It was wonderful! No schedule, no real plan, just the family and a full tank of gas in the car. Of course, no weekend trip would be complete without some good food, so we stopped at a wonderful brick oven buffet spot.

Many people have a favorite season but I’m not sure I can pick. Even winter holds a special place in my heart. If I had to choose, I think I would have to pick autumn. The colors on the trees are beautiful, fresh fruits and vegetables are everywhere, and the air is so crisp it feels like your lungs are waking up.

Another thing we’ve been making into a tradition of sorts is apple picking. Unfortunately, we only got to go once this year, but it was great! Picking apples is so fun and can be done very quickly, if necessary. The orchard also makes a great place for picture taking so don’t forget the camera. I like to make a few pots of applesauce and a pie or crisp of course!

In New England, we know what is coming our way soon. Just around the corner is snow, ice, and months of freezing temperatures. Let’s make the most of what we have left of fall!

And then this evening, I was reminded of another season that is now upon us – the holiday season. This time of year means many different things to different people. It means many things to me also but tonight, above all else, it reminded me to be thankful.

I went into Walmart to grab a few things and they already have an angel tree up with Christmas requests from area children. There were many requests from youngsters wanting the newest video game or superhero toy, but another one caught my eye. A fourteen-year-old had requested a set of flannel sheets. Many tags had a second choice ‘or’ option, but this one did not. All this boy wanted was a set of warm, new, clean sheets. Presumably, he also needed them. It made me wonder what his home life is even like. Does he have enough food? Does he have clothes that fit?

We all have struggles. I dare you to show me someone with a perfect life. It’s easy to get caught up in our own problems. But it can always be worse, and we don’t know the things those around us are dealing with.

This holiday season, and every day: be thankful, be giving, be kind.

I Feel Free!

Today we told the world, or at least the Facebook world, all about our dear son’s struggles. The cystic PVL, the cerebral palsy, all of it. Of course, I still put my positive spin on it, but it’s out there. And now that it is, I feel free! Only a few of our close family and friends knew before this morning.

I thought this would feel like a weight had been lifted, but that is an understatement. It feels like we’ve been keeping this big secret for so long. For what reason? We’ve accepted it, we’ve even embraced it! I guess we’ve continued making excuses for so long to protect everyone else. Why?

Maybe we’ve been afraid of the sympathy – the looks, the not knowing what to say. We don’t want that. We just want everyone to continue treating M like they have been. He’s still the same little boy he was before everyone knew. Of course, we are getting lots of support and well wishes, but what I’m really looking forward to is fewer questions (hopefully).

The advantage of sharing this news with the Facebook world first is that I didn’t have to see people’s reactions as they received the news. Selfish? Maybe. I’m an easy crier and I hate it. If I can avoid having a teary conversation with someone, awesome.

Why today? I’m not totally sure about that either. M and I were having a great morning together while Daddy was out hunting. It just felt right. Most of the time I don’t think about his ‘disabilities’, I just see him for the amazing little child that he is. And that’s all I want – for everyone to just see him for that.

If you’re holding a secret for the protection of others, let it out. I bet you’ll feel better too!

Speech Evaluation Day

After a laid back weekend of taking in the beautiful colors off the season, it was back to reality for us this morning. M had his first speech therapy appointment to have an evaluation done. I pretty much knew what we were going to be told, it’s obvious he is behind, even for his ‘adjusted’ age (due to prematurity).

We have been extremely fortunate in that we have all liked almost all of M’s providers right from the start. His new speech therapist/pathologist was no exception. She was friendly and welcoming from the moment she saw M and me sitting in the waiting room. The attitude and first impressions of people go SO far! I’ve met a few providers that I hoped to never see again but largely, our experiences have been positive thus far.

For the next hour, we discussed M’s vocabulary, the noises he does and doesn’t make, his eating habits, and so much more. I struggled with some of the questions. Does he use the ‘ca’ sound? I think so……. Does he understand ‘no’? I think so…………… (if looking at me, smiling, then continuing to do what I asked him not to do is understanding, than yes, he gets ‘no’ to a tee! J) Although I ‘converse’ with him daily, I hadn’t thought a lot about the specific sounds he was and wasn’t making. I called to mind most of the words that he knows but not each specific sound. Does anyone else have a hard time answering some of the doctor/therapist evaluation questions? Even at our regular checkups sometimes I really have to stop and think about it.

The therapist concluded that M was behind, just as we knew, but she is pleased to see him trying and getting frustrated at times, seemingly due at least partially to a lack of communication. We’re all hoping the frustration will help motivate him to learn new things. She’s encouraging us to add in signs (more, done, play, etc.) along with our words to help while M works on enlarging his vocabulary. She also noted that oftentimes, kids like M, especially with cerebral palsy, are already working so hard on their motor function that the speech takes a back seat. I can definitely see this with my son. You can tell that it is physically taxing for him to sit up and concentrate on anything for more than a minute or two. I’m sure that adding more speech while he’s in that position is overwhelming.

It breaks my heart to see my M struggle with doing all of this, but I know we have to keep pushing him to find new ways to communicate and play. Sometimes I wonder how much good speech therapy (and PT and OT for that matter) does, but it’s worth a try, right? I think that it is worthwhile to have outside opinions and ideas. We’ll try anything to give M every opportunity we can!

Kind of along these lines, a friend posted a link the other day to a great blog post. My child still has a ways to go before being four years old, but I feel the article rings true for any age. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alicia-bayer-/what-should-a-4-year-old-know_b_3931921.html. We put our children through enough without comparing them to other kids and ‘standards’. What is ‘normal’ anyway?! It’s important to remember that all children learn at different paces, it doesn’t necessarily make them more or less intelligent.

Have a great week!

Bullying – Everyone’s Responsibility

It’s September. Leaves are starting to turn from summer green to rusty orange and brilliant red; the temperatures are slowly falling; and children are headed back to school for another year of fun and learning. Unfortunately, this isn’t how many of our children experience school anymore thanks to bullying.

I remember when I was in school, longer ago than I’d like to admit, there were issues with bullying here and there. Stacey pulled Jenn’s hair because it was red and not brown, Josh told Ken he smelled funny, and Lily ignored Ben because his teeth were crooked. Unkind words were exchanged but life went on. I remember very few true ‘fights’ – and that wasn’t until high school. Bullying nowadays seems very different. Just a couple of days ago I read a tragic story of a nine-year-old that took his own life after being bullied continuously. NINE! Something needs to be done!

School has been back in session around here for almost three weeks. Already, I have an extended family member that has not once, but twice, complained about the bullying treatment her children have been the victims of at school. These aren’t high school kids, or even middle-schoolers. They are both in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! One was called ‘fat’ and threatened to be slapped in the face because she wouldn’t give another girl one of HER things. (This child is not the slightest bit overweight.) The other is getting picked on and having food thrown at him at lunch time for no apparent reason! (I know it’s possible that there is more to the story, I’m just writing what I know.)

Many schools have amped up their anti-bullying campaigns, or at least claim to have, touting ‘zero tolerance’. But this isn’t what actually seems to be happening in our schools. Whose responsibility is it to work on this? I think it is that of us all! Whether your child has been on the bullying or the bullied end of things, or somewhere in between, all of us should be concerned with this. As a mother of a child that will most likely have some special needs when he enters school, this scares the crap out of me!

To make matters worse, we now have cyber-bullying. Kids can now pick on each other, sometimes anonymously, from behind a computer or phone screen. They can share embarrassing photos or untruths with hundreds of people with a click of a button. Again, as adults, we need to be setting the example. Cyber-bullying isn’t okay between adults either but sadly, it is often seen.

Here are a few pointers that I think will go a long way in slowing the bullying epidemic:

1. Don’t raise your kids to be as**oles! Seriously, I know we can only do so much, but that is still A LOT! We need to stop instilling in children that body size, skin color, and the type of shoes a kid has say anything about their worth as a human being. We’re all different, but isn’t that a GOOD thing? Set the example by embracing our differences!
2. Teach your kids to speak up and stand up for themselves. I’m not saying to beat the crap out of someone because they call you fat. But ‘cool’ or not, children should know that it is okay to stand their ground and enlist the help of a teacher or other trusted adult. And, while you don’t want them to be bullies, you also don’t want them to be coddled to the point of being defenseless.
3. Don’t think that your kid can’t be the bully. That angel you see at home may be totally different at school. It doesn’t help the teaching staff if you’re in denial and they’re trying to help. Most of us have been a bully to some degree at some point in our lives. Our schools and teachers need our SUPPORT!
4. Think before you speak. Our children learn from us – what we say, how we act, what we watch on TV, etc. If we’re subjecting them to hostile behavior and demeaning words, we shouldn’t be surprised when they start acting in the same manner. Be the kind of person that you want your child to be.
5. Communicate with your children. Listen to them but also convey to them exactly what you expect of them regarding bullying. Teach them to not only stand up for themselves, but their peers as well.

As my child grows, I hope to help him be a friend to all. I want him to speak to the child that has no friends – the weird one, the quiet one, the goth one. I want him to treat all with respect, even if they don’t reciprocate. You don’t have to like everyone, but you can still coexist. In the end, aren’t we all just trying to raise genuinely good human beings?

I’m Back!

Forgive me followers, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last blog post.

This post will be short and sweet but all joking aside, I’ve been slacking. Slacking at blogging, slacking at exercising, slacking at life in general. Or at least that is how I’ve been feeling. I’m not exactly sure what brought all of this on, I just kind of lost some steam. But I’m back, or at least I’m trying to be. Next time I take a break, it’s going to be on my terms.

Have you ever felt like that, though? Lately it’s kind of like I can’t get out my own way. Often I feel like I’m not being a good enough wife or mother, despite my husband’s constant reminders to the contrary. I hate feeling like that, and even worse – not really knowing why.

That isn’t the only reason I deserted my blog for a while. Summer is short here in the Northeast. Sunshine has been soaked up and adventures have been enjoyed. But we know all too well what comes next – cold, snow, and ice. True, there is still autumn, but the temps are dipping and winter is still just around the corner. Many of us try to cram so much into summer that it just flies by even quicker. We camped, hiked, and swam. We visited friends and family and took in the sights. And here we are…September. We’re already talking about plans for next summer!

Then there’s the constant bad news coming from all corners of the country and globe. A couple of weeks after my last post was the terrible Florida nightclub shooting. What do you blog about when horrendous things like this are happening all over the world? And now it’s just a political landscape in American news as we get ready for the presidential election, though the front running candidates seem anything but presidential to me.

The final thing I’ve put my finger on as a reason for leaving the blog untouched all summer, is the fact that milestones have been very slow going for my amazing preemie son. He just turned twenty months old and still isn’t walking, or even really crawling. He is army crawling, though! We’re trying to just focus on the wonderfulness of that for now! He is the biggest reason I started blogging to begin with so I think this was a big part of the hiatus.

But he’s not giving up, and neither am I! I need to set the example – in this house we never give up! We may not always succeed, but we will always try.

Stay tuned this weekend for my usual ramblings!

Outings with Baby

First of all, let me clarify ‘baby’ for the purpose of this blog post. Personally, I’m referring to my 16-month-old that is really 13 months ‘adjusted’ due to prematurity, and isn’t yet mobile. However, I feel this can be applied to more than just young babies.

It seems that so many parents are afraid to do things in public with their babies or young children, as if they will break if they are so much as exposed to activities geared toward older children or adults. From day 1, my husband and I have been determined that we won’t let having a child stop us from the doing the things we want to, at least within reason.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you buy a $150 concert ticket to take your one- or two-year-old to see your favorite rock band. There are certainly many places that aren’t at all suited for young children. I’m not going to take the whole family out for a night of bar hopping. However, I feel like we might not give our kids enough credit sometimes.

As a working mom, I feel as though I lose so much time with my child during the week as it is. I’m very possessive of my weekend time with him. We may drop him off for the occasional weekend visit with grandma for a few hours, but beyond that, we try to involve him as much as we can in our weekend plans. There isn’t a whole lot that we won’t do with him in tow.

Yesterday, we took him to his first baseball game (not major league, just local). I know he won’t remember it, but we will – we are making memories. M was such a trooper all day long. He stayed awake through the entire game and seemed to enjoy looking around and taking it all in. He is quite the people watcher! Bonus: we didn’t have to pay extra for him because he’s still under two years old!

This morning, we went for a hike (not M’s first). It wasn’t long or difficult, but we were able to get outdoors as a family and enjoy it together. We have a great little backpack carrier for M – he can go anywhere with us! He seemed to really enjoy reaching outside of his pack to touch a tree or branch – it’s all about the small things when you’re only one!

Although we try to limit M’s screen time, he’s also been to two movies already. No, we didn’t take him to R-rated movies, they were both cartoons. The first time, we went to ‘Minions’ and M slept a good portion of it. More recently, we went and saw ‘Zootopia’ (great, by the way!) and he stayed awake the whole time! If he gets out of hand, of course I would take him out of the theater, but if he’s just babbling, it blends right in with all of the other kids and no one even knows your kid is talking during the movie! My husband and I have both always enjoyed many ‘kids’ movies, now we have an excuse to go to more of them!

Not only are we making memories, I feel that by getting M out doing stuff with us when possible, he will also learn how he needs to behave in public as he gets older. I understand this isn’t an exact science – I can’t predict exactly what this will do for him, but I figure that it can’t hurt! We also take him to restaurants, mini golfing, bowling, and even (gasp) grocery shopping!

I think that, at least to a point, we need to all accept that kids will be kids as well. They are not going to be perfect angels, but they are learning and observing so much by being out and about. Sure, they may run, jump, and yell a little bit, but by getting out and doing stuff, they’ll hopefully also learn the time and place for such behavior.

I will end by adding that we are pretty lucky – M is extremely easy-going most of the time. But I can only hope that by continuing our little outings with him, he will always be up for an adventure! I challenge you to not let your little one(s) hold you back from getting out and living life! Would you rather teach them how to explore the outdoors or explore the Xbox? Have fun!

Mother’s Day, Every Day

The second Sunday in May has arrived – it’s Mother’s Day! A day to celebrate moms everywhere and to tell them how much we love them. Today is often marked with flowers, jewelry, new coffee mugs, and cute handmade gifts. Moms will get breakfasts served in bed, chore-free days, and dinners prepared by someone other than her. Little kids are urged to take it easy on their mother for the day, and kids that have grown and moved out call or visit their mothers to celebrate.

But why today and only today? Being a mother is a 365 days per year job. I’ve always had an issue with holidays like this. Shouldn’t our mothers get our honor and respect every day? Why can’t you surprise the special mother in your life with random Tuesday afternoon flowers instead of when greeting card companies tell you to?

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate being doted on and spoiled for the day. I’ll take the flowers and jewelry and appreciate every minute of it. But most of all, I enjoy the time spent with my husband and child – that is what it is about. I don’t need expensive gifts to feel appreciated. My cat is going to destroy my flowers anyway!

I feel as though by putting so much emphasis on one special day for moms, we’re saying it is okay to treat mom like crap the rest of the year. Kind of like Catholics and their confessions – do whatever you want as long as you own up to it in confession. Ummmm….no, I don’t think it goes like that actually. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to be terrible to your mom/wife all year long, don’t even bother pretending for one day in May!

Mother’s Day isn’t the only holiday I feel this way about. The next obvious one is Father’s Day, for many of the same arguments as above. Fathers, too, have an all year long job as Dad. A lot of times moms get all the praise, but in many cases (I know not always – shout out to all the single parents doing double duty!), there is a pretty awesome dad by her side as well. I know I couldn’t do it without my husband/baby daddy.

Then there’s Thanksgiving, where all of the bitter and miserable people in the country pretend they are all of a sudden thankful for everything wonderful in their lives. Really? And on a Thursday nonetheless! I’d be a lot more thankful if it was Friday and it gave me a three day weekend!

Seriously though, I live my life trying to be thankful every day. I like to try to brighten the days of others too. There is always something you can find good about the day to appreciate. I firmly believe the world would be a much better and happier place if we all tried to act a little more thankful each and every day. Life is entirely too short to walk around being pissed off at the world every day!

There also all of the other ‘smaller’ holidays like Grandparent’s Day and Administrative Professional’s Day, and days that are celebrated throughout various professions – Teacher’s Day, Nurse’s Day, Boss’s Day, etc. Again, shouldn’t we be thanking them and showing our appreciation year-round? Never let the day pass without thanking those who deserve it.

I’m pretty lucky today, and every day. I have a husband that doesn’t just wait until Mother’s Day to show his appreciation for what I do. He makes it feel like Mothers’ Day, every day. So happy Mother’s Day to all of you wonderful moms out there. May your children and significant others appreciate and thank you today, and every day!

Blog WHAT?!

I don’t know what I’d do without being able to ‘ask Google’ fifty-three questions per day. When is the best time to vacation? What is the current weather? What should I feed my one-year-old? Why does it feel so good to take your bra off at night? Google is one smart cookie! My latest Google search? How to start a blog. Seriously…why do I have this urge and where the heck do I even begin!? I’m not sure where this overwhelming desire to share came from, but here it is, just the same.

I’m an almost-thirty mom of one, wife (also of one), student, and career woman. It’s obvious that I have entirely too much free time on my hands, so why not add blogger to the list? I’m not saying I’m always one big ray of sunshine, but I pride myself on being generally positive and optimistic, though sometimes a bit too realistic. I want to share with you my positivity, ideas, and pet peeves. I want to share my experiences in hopes that I will inspire optimism in just one other person. I want to write about parenting, married life, work, and life in general. Being positive can wear on a person, though. Sometimes I feel I can’t effectively put my feelings into words but I’m hoping the extra outlet will help with that. Fair warning: there is one topic that will likely be more frequent. Read on.

About fifteen months ago, I was thrown into a world that I knew nothing about. I never would have guessed how much other people’s experiences and blog posts helped me through this and are still helping. In a matter of hours I went from being excited to discover our baby’s gender to being scared to death and cooped up in a hospital room. A month later I delivered my son, M…fourteen weeks too soon. The next 112 days contained some of my most trying, scary, rewarding, and proud days I’ve ever experienced. To say the NICU journey was a roller coaster is an understatement. But what I didn’t realize then: it doesn’t end at discharge.

Unless you’ve been there, you don’t understand. I’ve watched my son fight to live. I’ve watched him work to breathe on his own. I’ve watched him struggle to eat enough to gain just a few grams. I’ve witnessed M’s whole body turn horrible colors of blue and purple. Somehow, we all survived this experience. Although I don’t want to dwell in the past, memories of this time are always with me.

That time in our lives wasn’t all bad, though. I’ve met some of the most caring and talented medical staff – I have a whole new appreciation for what they do. I’ve learned that we truly have friends in low places. I’ve been shown that my husband and I can work together even under the worst circumstances. I’ve learned in a very short amount of time how strong my son is and I truly believe that as a family, we can overcome whatever life throws at us.

Now, people look at M and see a happy and healthy one-year-old. That is, until they ask if he is walking. No? Well he must be crawling all over the place. No, not crawling yet either. (Insert awkward silence here.) Even if they know M’s small beginnings, they still don’t really understand. No one really knows all of what he has been through: the tubes, the meds, the blood transfusions, the time spent on a ventilator, the procedures, the therapies, and the diagnoses we don’t even talk about.

Sometimes it is extremely hard, but we still try to focus more on how far he’s come than what he isn’t doing. There are things that he has been through or still struggling with that no one else even knows. He may not be crawling yet, but he has mastered the roll. I leave the room for a minute and when I come back, he’ll be on the other side. He’s getting there – and that gives me hope.

It often bothers me, but then I look at my son and he smiles from ear to ear. He laughs, he giggles, he is amazing! I tell him I want him to crawl, to walk, to talk, but really, why rush it? A day will come that I will long for him to just want to snuggle and be carried around, but he won’t want to. He’ll be too big and too cool for that. So I’ve learned to embrace M’s extended ‘baby’ phase. A year ago M was still in the NICU being tube fed and needing oxygen 24/7. Bathing him took all of his energy for his day. This morning he ate oatmeal like a big kid and is pushing trucks across his food tray. He’s a whole new kid these days!

We haven’t struck it rich yet but at the end of the day, we still have a whole lot to be thankful for. Follow me for weekly optimisms, cynicisms, and whatever else happens to come up during the week.